yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
