i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
