Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
