It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
