Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she looked like the before picture.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
