Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This baby is an asshole
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
