In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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