It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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