I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
