And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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