i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
