If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
