Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
