Sry I called you an 8
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
vagina is talking i cant
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
