Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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