im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
