I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Drunk is not a location!
I need to align my fucking chakras
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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