New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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