Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
