awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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