He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
