note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
