Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
