You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
