I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i believe in u and ur pee
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
