What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
