but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
