I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
