He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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