nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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