i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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