When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
