Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
