Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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