she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
