We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He's on the porch naked. Help.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
