who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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