Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize