how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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