You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
