you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
