drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
