clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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