I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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