I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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