You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
