He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
