I just threw up on my dentist
they need to just BURY HIM!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
