one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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