First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
