Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
