The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
