i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
